Lately I have been day dreaming of....
my first pay check acquired from doing what i love
a tiny apartment to call my own
a french film being played on my laptop while curled up on blankets outside
an all white bed with yellow throw pillows
what painting i should paint next
taking afternoon strolls downtown
and a certain shower curtain
Monday, August 27, 2012
Friday night I found myself piled in a pick up truck headed west. Stories were shared and jokes were told as we kept driving west. After 45 minutes of my surroundings looking like this...
I googled myself. I had no idea where I was. But I knew the driver has been driving these abandoned roads since he was old enough to jump in a old truck with his buddies and a 6 pack to explore their world as small town county boys. Yet as a city girl I was getting a little nervous. I had to make sure everyone was paying attention to what was going on and I said "we have not seen a house or even a light in the distance in over 30 minutes." And someone, I am not quite sure who, said "isn't this the point?"
We did not really have a destination. We wanted to use the light of the half moon and see if we could still as adults scare ourselves to the point of laughing.
We found an abandoned school house. I could not get enough of the simple detail of the woodwork and chalk boards which used to be filled with reading, writing and arithmetic which had been ripped off the walls by weather and time.
The rule was NO FLASHLIGHTS.
But I had to see.
I had to touch as much as I could.
Thank you flashlight app.
Most everything which made us jump was us scaring ourselves.
But that is the point, right?
And this was a terrific Friday night of creepy locations in the middle of no where Oklahoma.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Today as I was leaving the hospital for the last time as a student and the realization that the pressures and sacrifices over the past year were over, done, gone I was over come with emotion. I can't believe I did it...one day at a time, one test at a time, one surgical procedure at a time. And then there I was saying "see you all in two weeks when I am finally getting paid for this!"
And it happened.
I saw something which made me go to my car and cry the happiest tears.
I saw pride in the eyes of the individuals which I have worked 3 months with, learning from and trying my darnedest to impress.
I received a high five from someone who works in the instrument room. A wink from an Anesthesiologist. A nurse said "hurry back so you can be our coworker!" My OR director told me she was proud of me and she will miss me while I am studying for my national exam over the next 2 weeks. These people saw me go from a quite student to a future co worker ready to brighten the room and complete each case as close to perfection as possible.
See at a hospital if you work in the OR you are apart of a little gang. A gang who sticks together. We are the only ones who know what it is like to do what we do. How we crank music, talk about our families and politics, tell jokes, give each other a hard time and generally exchange intelligent banter. To have a million things running through our minds but know how to stay calm and get the job done.
We do what it takes to be able to day after day survive the high stress job of operating on individuals with loved ones waiting in the other room yearning to hear the words “everything went great” to be spoken.
Last weekend our sweet Anesthesiology Tech was hit by a drunk driver. She was not even in the ambulance and a few of our surgeons were on the phone with their lawyer friends.
We are a team.
A team with one common goal.
The goal of helping people and keeping each other sane no matter the situation.
My dear future co workers I promise to make you proud.
Thank you for being excited I have completed school and making me feel like I am already apart of your family. It made today even sweeter than it always was.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Most of my evenings lately have been spend at my parents store on the computer, writing case studies, researching procedures and studying anatomy. Exciting I know.
I do not mind this really.
I adore my studies and I always have a cat walking on my desk begging for attention.
Yet one evening something happened.....something which I kept forgetting took place till I see something again... and this something is a toy.
I was in the restroom and I could hear Pandora playing and then I heard a child laughing. My first thought was my sister was there for some reason and her kiddos are with her. This would of been totally random. A welcomed visit but still random. And then I heard the laughing again. At this point I was sure my 3 favorite little people were there and I was hurrying to go swoop them up and cover them in kisses.
I walked out and no one was there.
I was the alone.
Then I heard the laughing again from my dad's office and then a toy start making noises. Now this said toy makes noises when you push it. But this toy has not made noises in probably 6 years. But there it was dinging away....
I picked the toy up and put it away.
Doing everything in my power to ignore what just took place.
Strange toy you need to stay put on the toy shelve. Far away from me.
Monday, August 20, 2012
An early morning last weekend I had somewhere to be. A set time was quickly approaching and I needed to get ready, pick up the morning mess and get my To Do List in order for a busy day. Yet at times there are more important things than a made bed and last nights pj's in the hamper. And this Saturday morning the more important thing which pushed all responsibility aside came in the way of a 13 month old beauty who shares my middle name.
And this lovable baby girl and I sat and did our make up together. No rushing. No care we both had somewhere to be. And as she stared with sparkling blue eyes at my freshly applied red lip stick I knew this is a moment I will not forget. The moment I felt was this aunt's first girly lesson of life being given to her niece.
She giggled as I touched power to her round cheeks and reached for the gloss after I gently applied it to her tiny smile. Mallory then showed me how she thought the gloss would look nice in her hair.
Sometimes my sister's daughter gets a look of pure determination. Nothing is going to stop this tiny human from doing what she has her mind set on. And this morning make up lesson had many of these looks. Like she was memorizing my every move to then use herself later when she is being bugged by her big brothers while trying to get ready for her first date.
Miss Mallory Elizabeth you are gorgeous......just like your mom.
Thank you sister for sharing your blonde baby girl this special morning.
I sure love her.
Lip gloss in her hair and all.