Friday, August 28, 2009

inside my head

I have been getting "how are you doing?" a lot lately so I thought I would try and put into writing how I am feeling. this is super personal so bare with me.....

I am coming out of the fog. My head is becoming clear again. I no longer feel like i am in survival mode. I am feeling proud of myself for when i was in survival mode for surviving! At times i feel lonely but it passes quickly. I find myself "keeping busy" often. I will be watching tv and have a thought of wishing a body was laying next to me but i will jump up and unload the dish washer or windex the bathroom. The never fail fix for the brief moment of loneliness is picking up Otis and giving him a hug because i will be guaranteed tons of kisses once his tongue finds my cheek.

The BEST thing i did for myself was open my house up to my darling roommates. I am hardly ever alone and when i am it is nice to have some "me" time. If i had to go through my situation and go home to an empty house over and over it would suck.

I don't know if my friends know what they are doing or if they have "Keep Christel Busy" meetings but they have been rocking. I am one lucky gal for having such amazing human beings who care about me. And believe me i KNOW i am lucky to have the friends i do. God did bless me with the gift of friendship.

i have so many questions right now....when do i start using Smith? is it okay i want to start today? is it okay i don't want to speak to Ty but still love his family? when is it okay to start dating and not look like i am jumping in?

okay i have opened my heart up enough to post on the internet but it felt nice to say what has been floating around in my head for a month now.

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